I've Been Told I Snore

There is a nasty rumor that has been spread around. 

It has been reported that I snore.

Loudly.

Sonorously.

Enthusiastically.



Spread by good authority, too.

By universal authority in fact.

But it bears note, not by universally good authority.

And so, rumor or no, I remain unconvinced.



Now, 20 years ago when I was camping and backpacking a lot with the Scouts and 4-H, I used to laugh it off and claim that my snoring was “Self-Defense”.

You see, if a night prowling predator were to come around, their keen hearing would pick up my snoring from a great distance. And any critter that heard a loud, deep, regular growling coming out of a camp, wouldn’t willingly try to sneak into the camp just to meet up with something that is so obviously bigger and by implication meaner than it.

And truth be told, in all of the thousands of nights I have spent sleeping in the hills, mountains, forests and deserts of this land, I have never had a camp raided by a bear, mountain lion, coyote, or raccoon. So maybe, just maybe, I have to accept a kernel of truth about the rumor.



And I have been told that I snore loud enough to raise the dead.

And while I really can’t say yea or nay to that, I tend to disbelieve it as well. You see, I can attest that if I raise the dead, none of them have been bothered enough to come calling at night. Not even in my dreams.

At least, not yet….

Thankfully.



And the most vocal of the rumor mongers is my wife, of course.

But you already knew that, didn’t you?

The problem there is that I have lived with her long enough to know that she has a tendency to exaggerate. To add colorful embellishments into stories to make them more impressive. Like her claim that I snore so loud it wakes her up. Obviously a gross overstatement.

I should know, I’m a whole lot closer to it than she is and its never waken me up yet.

- © 2013 Marty Vandermolen, All Rights Reserved